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“I’M OK, YOU’RE OK”

I do not plan to plagiarize, although I’m not above it, but many years ago I read a book by this title. I don’t remember much other than the title, which pretty well says it all.

I expect a few of you may have some of the same difficulties I do, one of the big ones being trouble accepting that, really, I’m OK. Most people who know me don’t believe I have this small trouble with self esteem.

I run a good bluff. Learned it in Law School in “Bluffing 101”. There we learned to act like we know what we are talking about, whether we do or not. Running the good buff tends to prevent folks around me from knowing the uncertainties that rampage through my mind from time to time.

“Rampaging uncertainties” would be a sign of weakness of some sort, would it not, and God knows, I can’t allow “the world” to see any weaknesses in me. Must run the good bluff at all times.

In support of this lingering self doubt (which I hate to admit), is a diffuse, generalized sense of “guilt”. What the hell do I have to feel guilty about? Sure, I screw up, say and do dumb things, but don’t we all — just a little bit?

I have yet to figure out, after over 80 years, where this guilt thing comes from, so I have done the typical thing of scapegoating my parents as somehow putting this rock in my pack. Then, I feel guilty about that! No scapgoating allowed. This is my deal to deal with. Work in progress.