LIFE IS NOT ARBITRARY

DIFFICULTIES HAVE PURPOSE

When we are distressed, hurting, depressed, discomforted for any reason, the last thing we want is to have some Pollyanna come along and say, “Oh, it’s ok, this will pass, don’t take it so seriously”.

“I AM THE ONE HURTING, not you. You don’t know what you are talking about”. Loss of a loved one, even a beloved pet, is true loss, something of value is no longer in my life.

Bad health brings bad feelings, depression, inability to think clearly, motivation to do nothing, sense of worthlessness, vague considerations of “just giving up”. Interestingly, this can happen even when we have pretty good health.

Well, what the hell does giving up mean? Suicide? My god, no! There is never a “give up”. Chose to have no choice. One step at a time, keep walking. At some point we discover what Dante’ discovered — down becomes up.

So, question: why am I in this dark place? Shut up, Pollyanna — no, wait a minute. Maybe I should listen to your well intentioned advice. You may be right, I hope.

Maybe I’m just on a self pity trip.

When you find yourself walking through hell, it is a hot, dark, stinking, scary place. It does little good at that time to question, “How the hell did I get here”. Best not to question why or how at that time. Best to just keep walking, to get the hell out of hell. Then analyze it if you must.

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Back to the point of this writing. Shit happens. Bad times come over us. Many times in the past it has been so. Those past bad times are now past, aren’t they? Yes, but for some memories that if I harbor them can get fairly dark, so I don’t dwell on them. That’s then, this is now. It is light outside. Let it be so inside.

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When in the depths of a downer, it is not best, I have found, to make more of it than it is. Do not allow it to fake its way into appearing to be the future way of your life. It isn’t. Polly is right. It WILL pass. It always has, it always will.

“But, why do I have to go down like this in the first place?”, I ask. Now, that is the right question. First, DO I “…have to go down like this?” Often I have recognized that it has just come upon me for no known apparent reason, and I accept it by living it out.

But when you are in it, often there is little else to do, because your mind is fucked up. You aren’t yourself.

It’s ok to ask why. Maybe there is a currently unknown reason. So, what is it? First, if there is a problem, it has a cause. They all do, of some sort. Is the cause purely my doing, or contributed to be unfortunate outside circumstances. Can I do anything about those circumstances? If so, do it, but first I must identify them.

We know that all our feelings, our good or bad emotions, are rooted inside us. They are a way of our responding to our world. We chose how we will respond. Finally, we work our way to the point of recognizing that how we feel is really up to us in choosing how we respond to our world.

If we are sick, fever, feel like hell, we don’t want to be told its because we chose it. It just is. Reason? Because we are human animals. Shit happens.

Why did the bramble scratch me? Because I walked into it. So, watch where the hell you are walking. Don’t cuss the bramble. It just does, by its nature, what brambles do.

There are all sorts of brambles on our path. Relationships, life circumstances in general. Watch where you walk, what you say, think, feel, and do. Avoid the brambles.

Some paths are obviously more filled with rocks, holes, and brambles than others. Why? Because, although we don’t remember it now due to the contract we signed, we chose this path ahead of time knowing what it would bring. So, stop with the self pity crap. Deal with it!

Why would we chose a very difficult path? Because we have things to learn only this path can teach. We are not here, on this path, by accident or appointment by another entity. WE CHOOSE OUR NECESSARY PATHS, so it is up to us to walk them out the best we can, with as little whining as possible.

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Scapegoating comes naturally and quickly. “It must be someone else’s fault I am where I am, hurting as I am. Parents, acquaintances, the government, tricksters, thieves, bad guys of all sorts — who can I blame? God? Stop with the whining.

Take some responsibility. I am the only one who can take some action to improve my circumstances, so the sooner I take my responsibility for where I am, the sooner I can change direction.

I mentioned “that contract” we entered into for this life. It can be changed, if we grow up enough due to the path we have walked. We don’t change it (can’t change it) just because it is tough, tougher than we expected.

Oh, I don’t know that. Maybe we can, but probably shouldn’t. We’ll just have to face it later.

We change it through taking responsibility, and ironically, learning to cut ourselves some slack, even to the point of gaining some self love.

Say what? I’m supposed to love the guy who got me into this hellish situation in the first place? Yes, exactly, because why do you get yourself in this situation but for the fact that, in your best judgement you could muster, you deemed it helpful, even necessary to aid you in growing into who you really are.

Yep you don’t actually change anything but your mind. You come to know the truth of yourself as you are and have always been. The change is not becoming a “better person”. The change is recognizing who you really are, and have always been.

When you are told, “It is all in your mind”, just say right. Everything is “all in my mind”.

Do I know this? Well, I hear it a lot from folks who sound like they know it, and it makes sense, so ….

Wait. I just saw a necessary change. Simple. It is the “change of mind”. Yes, you have been this person you did not fully know, but now know better. That IS an important change learned in this strange land. Thus, however difficult it may be, this is a journey well worth taking.

We discover the power we have to shape and direct our lives when we take responsibility for every aspect of our lives.

There are no scapegoats. The goat has left the building.