Now I’ve read the wisdom you have mined out of your experiences. First, thank you for vulnerable and therefore courageous honesty. You speak for us all.
I see linear time as only our necessary perception, but neither is it circular for the reasons you suggest. I see time as a spiral, not moving from cause to effect in a straight linear manner, not circling back to where it began repeating itself, but in an un-closed circular fashion as an upward rotating spiral with a fixed center, always changing, always new, never repeating, almost never predictable.
Thank you, my friend for these deep, true philosophical thoughts. The heat of your life is refining you into strong and durable substance, always growing.